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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 07. 26 조회 15546

self introduction other version 2

작성자: 1100909546 담당 튜터: Sandy2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Personally, I like watching movies and traveling. So, I watch most of new release movies. Among them, I like action movies including Transformer. Traveling is another that I like. It helps me take all the stress out and relaxed, while enjoying the nature and observing cultural differences where international. Not to mention it broadens my empirical knowledge of the places that I visit.
튜터 교정 답변

Personally, I like watching movies and traveling.
=> Correct Sentence

So, I watch most of new release movies.
=> So, I watch most of the new released movies. 

Among them, I like action movies including Transformer.
 Among them, I like action movies including Transformers. 

Traveling is another that I like. 
=> Correct Sentence

It helps me take all the stress out and relaxed, while enjoying the nature and observing cultural differences where international.
=> It helps me take all the stress out away and makes me feel relaxed, while enjoying the nature and observing international cultural differences. 

Not to mention it broadens my empirical knowledge of the places that I visit.
=> Not to mention, it broadens my empirical knowledge of the places that I visit.

[Comment]

Hi Daniel!

Watching a movie is one of the hobbies people enjoy. Satisfying your eyes is always a good way to relax. For entertainment and to learn. Lots of times movies teach you good morals or make you feel happier and inspire you. And, traveling helps you appreciate the wonders of the world. It's a way to know the different cultures and meet new people. 
The things you love to do are both beneficial in terms of the new experiences those can offer. 

Keep safe!

-T. Sandy-

 

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