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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 09. 30 조회 15380

13~16

작성자: 1101878771 담당 튜터: Ritchell
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
#13
Finally, the cruel April was over and in May,

I did samsung mentoring. I should be a mentor of 5 mentees
And I thought I need Mentor also. just like the Greenlight.


#14
So I checked my communicator to find someone could help me.

There were 221 people.

After a bit small talk, I asked the real, serious topic.

But It was really hard to find my superhero.


#15
After many tries, I felt a little bit desperate.

At that time, I really needed something like this!(Wanted)
Every wanted has Reward, so what could be?

Tea, Great meal, or drink?
There are more valuable thing I can give.

I'm really good at Presentation and Speaking Eng. as you can see.


#16
Something was come across my head.

Yes! Add keyword to everyone!
튜터 교정 답변

[CORRECTIONS]

#13 Finally, the cruel April was over and in May, I did samsung mentoring.

-> #13 Finally, the cruel April was over and in May, I did samsung mentoring. (no lapses)

I should be a mentor of 5 mentees And I thought I need Mentor also. just like the Greenlight.

-> I should be a mentor of 5 mentees, but I thought I also needed a mentor just like the Greenlight.

#14 So I checked my communicator to find someone could help me.

-> #14 So I checked my communicator to find someone who could help me.

There were 221 people. After a bit small talk, I asked the real, serious topic.

->  There were 221 people. After a bit small talk, I asked the real and serious topic.

But It was really hard to find my superhero. #15 After many tries, I felt a little bit desperate.

-> But it was really hard to find my superhero. #15 After many tries, I felt a little bit desperate (no lapses).

At that time, I really needed something like this!(Wanted) Every wanted has Reward, so what could be?

-> At that time, I really needed something like this! (Wanted) There are plenty of awards for someone who can help me, so what are those?

Tea, Great meal, or drink? There are more valuable thing I can give. I'm really good at Presentation and Speaking Eng. as you can see.

-> Tea, great meal, or a drink? There are more valuable things I can offer. I'm really good at presentation and speaking Eng. as you can see.

#16 Something was come across my head. Yes! Add keyword to everyone!

-> #16 And something crossed my mind. Yes, add keyword to everyone!

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!