About myself

"About myself":

I am an ordinary middle aged man live LIVING in Korea. I have two sons with my wife. I AM MARRIED AND HAVE TWO SONS.  I WE live in an apartment located in the west part of Seoul near Han River. Talking about my family, MY elder son is now CURRENTLY serving IN THE Korean Army like every other young Korean man.  MY younger son is entered in University this year. My Hobby is Boduk, it is a kind of board game similar to chess, but the shape OF THE GAME PIECES and the ruleS is ARE guite QUITE different, and MORE difficult than chess. I am fairly good at this game, AND I am a representative of my highschool alumni.  BESIDES MY HOBBY, I ALSO AM INTO LEARNING FOREIGN LANGUAGES THESE DAYS, AND BESIDES ENGLISH, I SPEAK JAPANESE AND CHINESE.  My job is IT Consulting, AND I work for Samsung SDS. As you know,   IT Consulting is a kind of a Service to customer company's COMPANIES, APPLYING strategy aligned to their business strategy and business needs. Busides my hobby, I am into learning foreign languages in these days. Besides English, I can speak Japanese and Chinese.

ALVIN:  Good composition on your first assignment.  The general notion you wish to convey about yourself is very clear. Note the modifications and feedback I made, which simply add continuity and smooth flow of ideas to your writing. (However, you mentioned what you and your sons do, but not your wife).