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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 10. 06 조회 14148

Dancing

작성자: 1100802089 담당 튜터: Wynston1
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I have several experiences in dancing. The most pleasant experience was company talent show for the year end party. I recruited two members and we choose Korean girl group's dance music. I recommended my members to download the original vedio from the internet and watching it. We didn't have enough time for the practice, also we should learn it ourselves. I watched the video more than 1 month and paused it several times for learning the body motion. Sometimes, we practised togather in small empty room in the company, after finishing our work. It was really enjoyable time.
2 weeks prior to the show, we bought dancing clothes which look like animals.
Our show was really great, and all of employees were cheering us. Also we won the prize. Many people were suprised our girl group dancing, because our characteristic was gentle and meek.
After the year end party, we had one more chance to dance in front of global engineering team.
튜터 교정 답변

I have several experiences in dancing. The most pleasant experience was MY company'S talent show for OUR the year end party. I recruited two members OF MY FRIENDS, and we choose A Korean girlS group dance music. I recommended SUGGESTED THAT THEY my members to download the original vedio VIDEO from the internet SO WE COULD PRACTICE AS WE WATCHED IT.  and watching it. We didn't have enough time for the TO practice, BECAUSE OF OUR HECTIC WORK SCHEDULES. also we should learn it ourselves. I watched the video more than 1 month and paused it several times for learning the body motion. Sometimes, we practised togather in A small empty room AT the company, after finishing our work. It was A really enjoyable time. 2 weeks prior to the show, we bought dancing clothes which lookED like animals. Our show was really great, and all OUR FELLOW employees were cheering us. Also, we won the prize. Many people were suprised our girl group dancing, because our characteristic was gentle and meek. After the year end party, we had one more chance to dance in front ofTHE global engineering team.

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