목록으로 돌아가기
공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 10. 14 조회 12960

Concerts

작성자: 118406 담당 튜터: Wynston2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
"Concerts"
I don't remember going concert in these days. But I remember going concert when I was very young in elementary School days. I remember that time, I saw some classic concert.
In these days, I watch concert in television. There are many famous stars singing and dancing.
There are called K-Pop stars. Many teenager young K-Pop stars are famous even in other countries. They are not only famous in Asian Countries like Japan, China, Philiphine but also famous in all over the world. This symptom is called "Hanryu".
Many young teenagers try to become K-Pop stars, we have a television program to choose best preliminary K-Pop stars through television program. Three panels are scoring volanteers' singing and performance. The contest continues several weeks. Starting with 20 teams, finaly are chosen best five. Even though their performance are imature, but their sincerity is best. Whenever I saw their performance I cannot look away from them.
튜터 교정 답변

"Concerts"

I don't remember going TO concert in these days but I DO remember going concert when I was very young in elementary school. days. I remember recall that AT THAT time, I saw some classicAL concertS.  In these days NOWADAYS, I PREFER TO watch concertTHEM On television. There are many famous stars singing and dancing. There are called K-Pop stars. Many teenager young K-Pop stars are famous even in other countries. They are not only famous in Asian Countries like Japan, China, Philiphine but also famous in all over the world. This symptom is called "Hanryu". Many young teenagers try to become K-Pop stars, we have a television program to choose best preliminary K-Pop stars through television program. Three panels are scoring volanteers' singing and performance. The contest continues several weeks. Starting with 20 teams, finaly are chosen best five. Even though their performance are imature, but their sincerity is best. Whenever I saw their performance I cannot look away from them.

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!