Internet
It’s social networking site.
I can connect to my friends.
On this website, I have a profile page and blog which is posted my picture I took my life.
My friends can see this blog and sometimes they call me after this page and ask me “say hello”.
I sometimes upload pictures and videos to share with them.
Then they comment on the pictures or send me message as reply
Naver’s Band helps me stay in touch with my friends and find out what’s happening in their lives.
Also I make use of studying English as posting English contents
Such as video lesson or mp3
I’m on that website almost every day.
I think that is convenient to connect with one’s friends or family.
Naver : the biggest portal website in Korea.
Band : the website that people talk with their friend or family through Band
One website that I frequently visit is Naver’s band. It’s social networking site. I can connect to my friends. On this website, I have a profile page and blog which is posted my picture I took my life. My friends can see this blog and sometimes they call me after this page and ask me “say hello”. I sometimes upload pictures and videos to share with them. Then they comment on the pictures or send me message as reply Naver’s Band helps me stay in touch with my friends and find out what’s happening in their lives. Also I make use of studying English as posting English contents Such as video lesson or mp3 I’m on that website almost every day. I think that is convenient to connect with one’s friends or family. Naver : the biggest portal website in Korea. Band : the website that people talk with their friend or family through Band
1. One website that I frequently visit is Naver’s band. -> Good job! 
2. It’s social networking site. -> Good job!
3. I can connect to my friends. -> Good job!
4. On this website, I have a profile page and blog which is posted my picture I took my life. -> On this website, I have a profile page and blog where I posted the pictures I took about my life.
5. My friends can see this blog and sometimes they call me after this page and ask me “say hello”. -> My friends can see this blog and sometimes they call me after this page and ask me to “say hello” to them or greet them.
6. I sometimes upload pictures and videos to share with them. -> Good job!
7. Then they comment on the pictures or send me message as reply -> Then they will comment on the pictures or send me messages as a reply.
8. Naver’s Band helps me stay in touch with my friends and find out what’s happening in their lives. Good job!
9. Also I make use of studying English as posting English contents. -> I make use of it in studying English by posting English contents.
10. Such as video lesson or mp3 Good job!
11. I’m on that website almost every day.-> Good job! or BETTER SAY -> I surf or browse that website almost every day.
12. I think that is convenient to connect with one’s friends or family. -> I think it is convenient to connect with one’s friends or family through Naver's Band.
Hi!
Good job! You can construct good sentences to express your thoughts. Just be careful in using prepositions and articles. Keep up the good work! :-)
-Teacher Lovely