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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 03. 03 조회 13010

Self-introduction

작성자: 1100980399 담당 튜터: Elizabeth2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
My name is Jay. I'm 30's mid. My family is my wife and a adorable dauther.
I got married 4 years ago. I live in Bu-Cheon Kyung-Ki-Do which is west of Seoul.
I moved 2 years ago. My parents and parents-in-law live near by my home. So we often visit to parents and parents-in-law's house and we have a good time. But my company is far from my house. So everyday I travle to company which is at Suwon. It takes about 3 hours to get there and back. I work at MES Operation group department in Samsung SDS. I am system programer. MES is manufacturing execution system. MES is very important in manufacturing field. Nowdays If there is not MES, any production cannot be made in factory. So I have pride of my job. MES is running for 24 hours. Therefore our department always be too busy. On weekday when I come back home,the time is about 10 PM. I don't have time to spend with my familly. So. on weekend I effort to spend time with my familly.
튜터 교정 답변

My name is Jay. I'm in my mid 30's. My family is made up of myself, my wife and my adorable daugther. I got married 4 years ago. I live in Bu-Cheon Kyung-Ki-Do, which is west of Seoul. I moved here 2 years ago. Both my parents and parents-in-law live near my home so we often visit them and we have a good time together. But, my company is far from my house. So every day I have to travel a long way to my company, which is (located) in Suwon. It takes about 3 hours to get there and back. I work in the MES Operation group department at Samsung SDS. I am a system programer. MES is a manufacturing execution system. MES is very important in the manufacturing field. These days If we didn't have MES, production could not take place in the factory. So I take pride in my job. MES operates 24 hours a day. Therefore our department is always very busy. On the weekdays when I get home it's about 10 PM. I don't have any time to spend with my familly so on the weekends I make an effort to spend as much time as possible with them.

 

Thanks for this Jay!

I only had to make minor corrections and add in a few things. Great job!

Let me know if you have any questions.

-Teacher Elizabeth

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