목록으로 돌아가기
공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 10. 22 조회 14098

presentation R4

작성자: 1102055849 담당 튜터: Wynston2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Good morning to everyone. My name is kyung eun Hwang, and I'm the senior engineer at Smart Town department at Samsung SDS. I very much appreciate
this opportunity to provide you a brief presentation on the hospitality and
Information & Communication Technology (ICT) services which could be
incorporated into your business.

The essence of this subject has been designed for those among you who are developers and consultants having no or less experience of the hospitality project.
As the technology grows day-by-day, ICT trends dramatically changes with new features and capabilities, and ICT is applied in the hospitality industry as an important strategic asset. Therefore it is essential to seek advice from the ICT consultant.

Through this presentation, I want to assure you that our company ,Samsung SDS, has great capabilities to be your ICT consultant and solution provider, and it will lead you to achieve the successful business in hospitality industry.
튜터 교정 답변

Good morning to everyone. My name is kyung eun Hwang, and I'm the senior engineer at Smart Town department at Samsung SDS. I very much appreciate this opportunity to provide you a brief presentation on the hospitality INDUSTRY and ITS GROWING NEED TO INCORPORATE Information & Communication Technology (ICT) services which could be incorporated into  ITS DAY-TO-DAY your business OPERATIONS. The essence of this subject OF WHAT I WILL BE SPEAKING TO YOU ABOUT TODAY, has been designed for those among you who are developers and consultants WHO havE LITTLE TO no  or lessE experience  IN the hospitality project INDUSTRY.  As the technology grows day-by-day, ICT trends dramatically change IN ORDER TO SUIT THE EXPANDING NEEDS AND REQUIRMENTS with new features and capabilities, and ICT is applied in the hospitality industry. as an important strategic asset. Therefore FOR THIS REASON it is AN IMPORTANT STRATEGIC ASSET, AND COULD BENEFIT FROM THE  essential to seek advice from the ICT consultantS. Through this presentation, I WOULD LIKE TO to assure you that our company, Samsung SDS, has great capabilities to be your ICT consultant and solution provider, and it will lead you to achieve the successful business in hospitality industry.

 

***MUCH MUCH BETTER ... AND MORE TO THE POINT!

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!