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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 11. 12 조회 13392

Traveling abroad

작성자: 1102045838 담당 튜터: Lovely
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
When I travel, I bring many things.
First, I make sure to bring my passport and airline ticket.
I even can't depart to the destination when I haven't them.
Second, I bring extra clothes to match about the country's weather.
When I'm abroad, I don’t know if the weather is good or not.
It's hard to do the laundry either. Thus I always bring enough clothes.
Third, I bring a Roaming Cell Phone and WI-FI equipment.
I can make good use of WI-FI equipment where I can access to the Internet and I can use SNS online.
Finally, camera is a must-have item when I go on a trip.
Pictures are the best way to keep the memory.
So I try to take as many photos as I can.
튜터 교정 답변

When I travel, I bring many things. First, I make sure to bring my passport and airline ticket. I even can't depart to the destination when I haven't them. Second, I bring extra clothes to match about the country's weather. When I'm abroad, I don’t know if the weather is good or not. It's hard to do the laundry either. Thus I always bring enough clothes. Third, I bring a Roaming Cell Phone and WI-FI equipment. I can make good use of WI-FI equipment where I can access to the Internet and I can use SNS online. Finally, camera is a must-have item when I go on a trip. Pictures are the best way to keep the memory. So I try to take as many photos as I can.

1. When I travel, I bring many things. Good job! :-)

2. First, I make sure to bring my passport and airline ticket. Good job! :-)

3. I even can't depart to the destination when I haven't them. -> I won't be able to depart to the destination if I don't have them.

4. Second, I bring extra clothes to match about the country's weather. ->  Second, I bring extra clothes to match the country's weather.

5. When I'm abroad, I don’t know if the weather is good or not. Good job! :-)

6. It's hard to do the laundry either. Thus I always bring enough clothes. -> It's hard to do the laundry either, thus I always bring enough clothes.

7. Third, I bring a Roaming Cell Phone and WI-FI equipment. Good job! :-)

8. I can make good use of WI-FI equipment where I can access to the Internet and I can use SNS online. -> I can make good use of WI-FI equipment where I can access the Internet and I can use SNS online.

9. Finally, camera is a must-have item when I go on a trip. Good job! :-)

10. Pictures are the best way to keep the memory. -> Pictures are the best way to keep memories.

11. So I try to take as many photos as I can. -> So I try to take many photos as I can.

Hi Kent!

Good job! You have made a good composition that would express your thoughts and answer the questions in complete details. There were only few grammar slips. Just be careful with the prepositions. Nevertheless, you did a good job! Keep it up! :-)

-Lovely



 

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