목록으로 돌아가기
공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 11. 12 조회 13075

singing in a group

작성자: 119846 담당 튜터: Wynston1
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Koreans have many excitement especially when they get together and share joyful things like a singing with karaoke.
We call the store that services karaoke as karaoke room.
I also usually enjoy going to karaoke room after drinking together. I am a person who boom up the atmosphere at the karaoke room by singing a song first with dance among colleagues.
There are some people shy at the karaoke room, but I think that karaoke room exist not for singing good but for show themselves as they are. More become stupid, more become friendly.
튜터 교정 답변

Koreans have many VARIETIES OF excitement, especially when they get together and share joyful things SUCH AS like a singing with karaoke. We call the store that services karaoke, as karaoke room. I also usually enjoy going to karaoke room after drinking together WITH MY FRIENDS. I am THE TYPE OF a person who boomS up the atmosphere at the karaoke room by singing a song first, AS WELL AS with dancING among colleagues. There are some people WHO ARE QUITE shy at SINGING AT the karaoke room, but I think that karaoke room DOESN'T JUST EXIST FOR PEOPLE TO DEMONSTRATE SINGING TALENT ALONE, exist not for singing good but FOR THEM TO JUST HAVE A GREAT TIME AND TO for show themselves as they TRULY are. SOME PEOPLE MAKE A FOOL OUT OF THEMSELVES, WHILE OTHERS MAKE NEW FRIENDS! More become stupid, more become friendly.

 

***INTERESTING REVELATION ... YOUR IDEAS WERE CLEAR AND WELL UNDERSTOOD.  ALL I DID WAS RESTRUCTURE YOUR GRAMMAR AND SENTENCES.  KEEP IT UP!

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!