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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 01. 20 조회 14286

Playing Games_V2

작성자: 1102055849 담당 튜터: Wynston2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
There are many different types of devices and various games for online-game lovers. The smart phones, tablets, and personal computers are the primary devices and my favorite device among them is a smart phone.
The reason I prefer to use smart phone is due to the convenience. By increasing the mobile users, the game programmers are developing and creating more mobile based - online games. Therefore more new online games are available in google or apple web store. The game users can download new games easily and conveniently. For this easy access and convenience, I like to use cell phone for playing games.
Among many of games, I am especially having fun with the language learning game which is Yo-Yo-English game. It helped me to improve a language skill a lot since it provides a variety of contents for memorizing words and sentence. I would strongly recommend this game if someone wants to improve language skill.
튜터 교정 답변

There are many different types of devices and various games for online-game lovers. The smart phones, tablets, and personal computers are the primary devices and my favorite device among them is a smart phone. The reason I prefer to use smart phone is due to the convenience. By increasing the mobile users, the game programmers are developing and creating more mobile based - online games. Therefore more new online games are available in google or apple web store. The game users can download new games easily and conveniently. For this easy access and convenience, I like to use cell phone for playing games. Among many of games, I am especially having fun with the language learning game which is Yo-Yo-English game. It helped me to improve a language skill a lot since it provides a variety of contents for memorizing words and sentence. I would strongly recommend this game if someone wants to improve language skill.

 

THERE ARE MAY TYPES OF DEVICES FOR ONLINE GAME LOVERS, WHICH INCLUDE SMART PHONES, TABLETS, AND PERSONAL COMPUTERS.  FOR THE PRIMARY REASON OF CONVENIENCE, MY FAVORITE CHOICE OF DEVICE IS THE SMART PHONE.  WITH THE INCREASING NUMBER OF MOBILE USERS, GAME PROGRAMMERS ARE CREATING AND DEVELOPING MORE AND MORE MOBILE-BASED ONLINE GAMES WHICH ARE AVAILABLE ON GOOGLE OR APPLE WEBSTORES.  GAME USERS CAN DOWNLOAD NEW GAMES EASILY AND CONVENIENTLY.  AMONG THESE GAMES, I ESPECIALLY HAVE FUN WITH THE LANGUAGE LEARNING GAME, WHICH IS THE YO-YO ENGLISH GAME.  IT HELPS ME IMPROVE MY LANGUAGE SKILLS A LOT, AS IT PROVIDES A VARIETY OF CONTENT FOR MEMORIZING WORDS AND SENTENCES.  I WOULD STRONGLY RECOMMEND THIS GAME TO PEOPLE WHO WISH TO IMPROVE THEIR ENGLISH LANGUAGE LEARNING SKILLS.

*** KYUNG, HERE IS THE FEEDBACK ON YOUR SUBMISSION.  ALL I DID WAS CONDENSE SOME SENTENCES WHICH WERE REPEATED, FOR SMOOTH FLOW OF GRAMMAR AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE.  FAR MORE IMPROVED THAN YOUR PREVIOUS ONE.  THIS IS A GOOD SIGN OF YOUR IMPROVEMENT!

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