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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 06. 16 조회 13265

work

작성자: 1102104140 담당 튜터: Gabby2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I go on manufacturing IT companies name Miracom Inc.
We provide a SW SOLUTION. named like MES, FMB, EES, etc.

Our company established in 1999 and grew steadily.
In MES solutin, we are ranked first in KOREA and we have a competitive power in overseas market.

our company has a disadvantage.
it is that we have a many business trip more than 8 month per year. so we can't be a faithful father in our family.

but we got a proud our company's position and satisfied our salary.
튜터 교정 답변

I go on manufacturing IT companies name Miracom Inc. We provide a SW SOLUTION. named like MES, FMB, EES, etc. Our company established in 1999 and grew steadily. In MES solutin, we are ranked first in KOREA and we have a competitive power in overseas market. our company has a disadvantage. it is that we have a many business trip more than 8 month per year. so we can't be a faithful father in our family. but we got a proud our company's position and satisfied our salary.

 

CORRECTIONS:

 i go on manufacturing IT companies name Miracom Inc. We provide a SW SOLUTION. named like MES, FMB, EES, etc. Our company established in 1999 and grew steadily.

--> I am work in a manufacturing IT company named Miracon Inc. We provide a SW solutions as MES, FMB, EES etc. Our company was established on 1999 and grew steadily.

Notes: Arrange your sentence, make it understandable.

In MES solutin, we are ranked first in KOREA and we have a competitive power in overseas market. our company has a disadvantage. it is that we have a many business trip more than 8 month per year. so we can't be a faithful father in our family. but we got a proud our company's position and satisfied our salary.

-->In MES solution, we were ranked first in Kore4a and we are globally competitive. Working in our has a disadvatage, we have more than 8 business trip per year. It is hard to a faithful father to our family but we are in a good position and we receive a high salary.

Note: Please be careful with your noun, you can not say KOREA, you should say Korea. Make your sentence understandable.

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