How to make this world better?
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Though some people say we need some big changes, we can make this world better with continuous small practices and efforts.
First, training people who are deprived of education enables us to improve our community. So I volunteer to teach English to children from low-income families. The more they get educated, the better they create more businesses and jobs. As a result, our economy will continue to grow. For example, Swiss became inland to a big progression and industrial civilization coincidentally with high rate of education. It indicates we can make this world better by increasing the level of education.
Second, hunger continues to be a critical issue in the world. Without feeding people and making use of their labor force, global economy would not develop continuously. So I am donating to the World Vision which fights hunger and poverty. Consequently, I contribute to support starving people and children so that they stand on their feet and do their best for economic activities.
First, training people who are deprived of education enables us to improve our community. So I volunteer to teach English to children from low-income families. The more they get educated, the better they create more businesses and jobs. As a result, our economy will continue to grow. For example, Swiss became inland to a big progression and industrial civilization coincidentally with high rate of education. It indicates we can make this world better by increasing the level of education.
Second, hunger continues to be a critical issue in the world. Without feeding people and making use of their labor force, global economy would not develop continuously. So I am donating to the World Vision which fights hunger and poverty. Consequently, I contribute to support starving people and children so that they stand on their feet and do their best for economic activities.
튜터 교정 답변
교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!