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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 07. 25 조회 13184

What will you bring to a desert island?

작성자: pos601974 담당 튜터: JoeM1
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
A match box, an emergency medical kit, and a bible are more necessary than food in an island because a match box is crucial to lit fire, an emergency medical kit protects me from being seriously wounded, and I can relax myself while reading a bible. First, fire enables people to cook, do something at night, and to keep warm in outdoors. Without a match box, it is so hard to lit fire. So I decide to bring a match box in a desert island. Second, having small scar or minor sickness makes us to endanger our life in an island. So it is important to keep an emergency medical kit in the bag in an island. For this reason, a company nurse always gives a medical kit to employees who go to a business trip. Third, controlling my mind and having peace allows me to cheer up and do my best to escape from a desert island. It is very easy to be irritated in frustrated situations. As I read a bible, I can relax and get a thinking power to analyze what is going on and what I have to do in the situation
튜터 교정 답변

A match box, an emergency medical kit, and a bible are more necessary than food on in an island because a match box is crucial to light a lit fire, an emergency medical kit would  protects me from being seriously wounded, and I could can relax myself while reading a bible. First, fire enables people to cook, to do something at night, and to keep warm. in outdoors. Without a match box, it is so hard to light a lit fire. So I decided to bring a match box to in a deserted island. Second, having a small cut scar or a minor sickness puts  makes us to endanger our life in danger on an deserted island. So it is important to keep an emergency medical kit handy.  in the bag in an island. For this reason, a company nurse always gives a medical kit to employees who go on to a business trip. Third, controlling my mind and having peace allows me to cheer up and do my best to escape from a deserted island. It is very easy to be irritated in frustrating ed situations. As I read a bible, I can relax and have the get a thinking power to analyze what is going on and what I have to do in every the situation.

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