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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 11. 05 조회 13730

Self introduction

작성자: 1102047480 담당 튜터: MaryJo2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Hi, my name is Kelly and I’m working for Samsung SDS which is the subsidiary of Samsung, for two years and before that I have worked for LG for over 17 years in the procurement part. Samsung is a big company which has more than 100 employees, so we have various parts in our company. I am working for social contribution part in the employee support center; we work for employees and the diver’s kind of community which is need of other’s help. My part is challengeable, I actually like my job. As you know, there are peoples who need to help. Samsung try to help the people who do not enough money to learn IT programs, computer programming or software programming, something like that.
튜터 교정 답변

Hi, my name is Kelly and I’m working for Samsung SDS which is  the a subsidiary of Samsung, for two years and before that I have worked for LG for over 17 years in the procurement part  department or division. Samsung is a big company which has more than 100 (Kelly, I think you said Samsung had more than 16,000 employees, right? Or is that too high?) employees, so we have various parts departments in our company. I am working for the social contribution department in the employee support center; we work for employees and the diver’s a diverse kind of community which is in need of other’s people's help. My part is challengeable  challenging.  I actually like my job. As you know, there are peoples who need to help. Samsung tryies to help the people who do not enough money to learn IT programs, computer programming or software programming, something  things like that.

Kelly, I am so glad you are practicing your OPIc responses by also writing them. Very good job.  I have put some suggestions here in red for you to consider. We usually say department not part. The only other question I have is about the number of employees. 100 seems kind of small to me. Would it be as large as 100,000? or 10,000?  I like the way you answered this question. You gave a lot of information with great detail. 

 

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