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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 12. 07 조회 12687

One day in winter season 2015

작성자: pos581121 담당 튜터: Amanda2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
One day, I noticed that I think too much for everything. From small to big, unhappy to happy, I spend too much time for meaningless things to think about. Sometimes, it is helpful to think deeply before doing some important thing, however I am very sure it would be only less than 5% if I have to chose important things around me.
Especially, my past memory which has sorryness, regret, disappointment makes me crazy. Those memorise always comes to me when I go to bed and interrupt the way I fall in sleep. The worst case was I could fall in sleep until 3:30AM. Yesterday was also similar day as I mention above.
I believe I have to move on. I need to evicerate all my bad memory from my life so that I can put my energy for my better future. Time is so limited and I have responsibility not to use meaning less. Past is past and it will never ever come to me again. Therfore I have to get rid of it. I belive that will also help me for easy and cozy sleeping
튜터 교정 답변

Great job on your composition! I am sorry to hear that your mind is so busy, but it seems that you have a good idea of what to do to fix it! I hope that you can get plenty of rest in the future. I have listed my corrections below in red! Keep up the wonderful work and I will see you tomorrow! 

Corrected paragraph:

One day, I noticed that I think too much about everything. From small to big, unhappy to happy, I spend too much time on meaningless thoughts. Sometimes, it is helpful to think long and hard before doing something important. However, I am sure I would think about things less than 5% of the time if I had to choose the important things. Especially because my memory contains sorrow, regret, and disappointment, which drives me crazy. Those memories always come to me when I go to bed and it disrupts my sleep. The worst case was that I couldn't fall asleep until 3:30AM. Yesterday was similar to the situation that I have mentioned above. I believe I have to move on. I need to evicerate all my bad memories from my life so that I can put my energy towards a better future. Time is so limited and I have a responsibility not to waste it. The past is the past and it will never ever come to me again. Therefore, I have to get rid of it. I believe that will also help me to sleep better in the future. 

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