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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 12. 14 조회 13268

Regarding the opinion of the business department of the Apogee Company 1/2

작성자: pos601974 담당 튜터: Mary1
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
The business department of the Apogee Company asserts the company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. At first glance this advice appears solid, a number of questionable assumptions become obvious and thus weaken its ability to adequately convince potential readers.
To begin with, the department assumes centralization caused the increase in profits in the past. However, maybe something else was the cause of the increase in profit of the company. For example, if the costs of raw materials are significantly increased, then certainly the company was less profitable than it is today. In this case, the Apogee Company’s profitability wouldn't be improved even though the company conducts all its operations from a single location.
Secondly, though centralization was the reason the company made more benefits than it does today, it's possible for the company won’t be profitable when it'll have all its operations in one location.
튜터 교정 답변

The business department of the Apogee Company asserts the company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. At first glance this advice appears solid, but on closer inspection a number of questionable assumptions become obvious and thus weaken its ability to adequately convince potential readers. To begin with, the department assumes centralization caused the increase in profits in the past. However, maybe something else was the cause of the increase in profit of the company. For example, if the costs of raw materials were significantly higher, then certainly the company was less profitable than it is today. In this case, the Apogee Company’s profitability wouldn't be improved even though the company conducts all its operations from a single location. Secondly, though centralization was the reason the company made more benefits than it does today, it's possible that the company won’t be profitable when it has all its operations in one location.

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