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공개 첨삭 완료 2015. 12. 31 조회 13236

Birthday party invitation

작성자: 1428493 담당 튜터: Liz2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Dear Kevin,

As you know, Next Monday is June’s 35th birthday.
So I am preparing to have dinner party with June.
I would like to extend this birthday party invitation to you in celebration of June’s 35th birthday.
Well, I guess our friendship started in grade school.
At that time, he was a class president, we had the fond memories that we played each other.
So in elementary school we had many old friends.
I would like to see you after all these years and have a good time for June.
I humbly invite you to join me in celebrating his birthday to be held at my house

Time : 06:00 P.M.
Place : W apartment which is located in Gangnamgu right next to A subway station
튜터 교정 답변

CORRECTIONS:

 

Dear Kevin,

        As you know, Next Monday is June’s 35th birthday.

→ GOOD SENTENCE (Just don't put the greeting and the first sentence together on one line.)

 

That's why I am preparing a dinner party for June.

→We don't normally start a sentence with "so, but, etc... " / use article "a"  / use preposition "for" because the party is intended to belong to June (June' birthday party.)

 

I would like to extend this birthday party invitation to you in celebration of June’s 35th birthday.

→GOOD SENTENCE

 

Well, I guess our friendship started in grade school.

→GOOD SENTENCE

 

At that time, he was the class president, we have fond memories of playing with each other.

→ use "the" because there's a specific person / "have" instead of had since you still hold the memories until now & omit "the" / use -ing when talking about activities

 

We have many old friends in elementary. /  **combine with the previous statement**

At that time, he was the class president and we had a lot of friends. We have fond memories of playing with each other.

→ I changed the organization of those sentences to avoid confusing statements.

 

After all these years, I would like to see you and have a good time "together with" June.

→ change the organization and preposition

 

I humbly invite you to join me in celebrating his birthday to be held at my house

→GOOD SENTENCE

 

Time : 06:00 P.M.

Place : W apartment which is located in Gangnamgu right next to A subway station

 

_______________________________________________________________________________

Hi Mr. Woo! 

 I noticed that you could construct some good sentences. Just keep on practicing for further improvements. Take care!

> Teacher Liz <

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