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공개 첨삭 완료 2016. 04. 18 조회 13816

Beach 3

작성자: 87316 담당 튜터: Sheryl
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I'd like to tell you about my favorite beach. That is the Haiwoundai Beach which is located in Busan. That is southen part of Korea. The beach is pretty good in my country. Also the beach is my hometown. So it's familler wihe me. There are so many reasons why I like the beach. First of all, the beach has really big sandy beach. So I can enjoy making sandcastle with my kids. And I like to walking with bare food along the beach. The feeling is heaven. Second, There are good Hotels near the beach. Such as, Joson Beach Hotel, Silla Hotel, Lotte Hotel and so on. These are not only the best of Hotel but also pretty expensive in my country. Finally, the beach is so populer all of the world. So there is crowded with people in the peak season on summer vacation. I can meet new friends at the beach and I can enjoy playing beach leisure sports. So I like to going to the Haiwondai Beach. I like the beach better then other beach.
튜터 교정 답변

I'd like to tell you about my favorite beach. That is the Haiwoundai Beach which is located in Busan. That is in the southen part of Korea. The beach is pretty good in my country. Also the beach is my hometown. So it's familiar to me. There are so many reasons why I like the beach. First of all, the beach has really big, sandy beach. So I can enjoy making sand castles with my kids. And I like to walk barefoot along the beach. The feeling is heaven. Second, There are good hotels near the beach such as, Joson Beach Hotel, Silla Hotel, Lotte Hotel and so on. These are not only the best hotels but also pretty expensive in my country. Finally, the beach is so popular all over the world. So the people are crowded in the peak season on summer vacation. I can meet new friends at the beach and I can enjoy playing beach leisure sports. So I like going to the Haiwondai Beach. I like the beach better than any other beach.

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