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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 05. 12 조회 15524

Watching Sports

작성자: 119906 담당 튜터: headteacher
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Well, I suppose I'd have to talk about my first experience of going to a sports event. As far as I can remember, it was when I was a high school student. To be more specific, I went a stadium with my peers to attendt a baseball game. Although it was the first time for me, some of my friends were already familiar with that situation and I still vividly remember that they acted very naturally. It was a game of my favorite team, and we shouted and cheered. It was highly impressive to be in the middle of enthusistic audiences. Thousands of people made one voice to cheer the team. However, I'm not sure whether the team won the game or not. The only thing I can come up with about the game is that I was so excited to see the actual players whom I adored so much.
튜터 교정 답변

Well, I suppose I'd have to talk about my first experience of going to a sports event. As far as I can remember, it was when I was a high school student. To be more specific, I went to a stadium with my peers to attend a baseball game. Although it was the first time for me, some of my friends were already familiar with that situation and I still vividly remember that they acted very naturally. It was a game of my favorite team, and we shouted and cheered. It was highly impressive to be in the middle of enthusistic  enthusiastic audiences. Thousands of people made one voice to cheer the team. However, I'm not sure whether the team won the game or not. The only thing I can come up with about the game is that I was so excited to see the actual players whom I adored so much.

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Hi Sean! I just checked your composition using the headteacher acoount. I also want to watch my favorite sports live. I'm happy that you really tried to be more expressive on writing your composition. I noted some mistake, so go over woth them when you have the time. Have a great day! I will talk to you again tomorrow. 

- Teacher Ida^^

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