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공개 첨삭 완료 2016. 05. 06 조회 11963

about shopping

작성자: 121640 담당 튜터: Erik2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I enjoy going shopping because it is interesting that the products that I buy change a part of my life. In other words, they make my life much more comfortable and easier. For example a robot cleaner cleans up my room automatically when I'm not in the house. I usually go shopping with my family. It is fun to choose items together. We used to go to the E-mart near my home. They sell all items which are needed for our daily life so we can get them by one-stop shopping.
튜터 교정 답변

I enjoy going shopping because it is [I find it] interesting that the products that I buy change a part of my life. In other words, they make my life much more comfortable and easier [much easier and more comfortable]. For example[,] a robot cleaner cleans up my room automatically when I'm not in the house [at home]. I usually go shopping with my family. It is fun to choose [pick out] items together. We used to go to the E-mart near my home ("near my home" or "near where I live" are 2 ways of saying that). They sell all items which [all the items that] are needed for our daily life[,] so we can get them by [via] one-stop shopping.

Your grammar is very good here.  The suggestions I offer, for the most part, are more to make it more readable.  The particular exception is the punctuation (,), and where you were missing the article (all items vs all the items).  "that" vs "which" are usually interchangeable, and I suggested "that" because it seemed like it would sound better in that particular sentence.  "via" is a good way of saying what you were trying to communicate with "by".  You can also use the word "through" there.  If you are talking about an actual house, you can say "house".  If you are talking about an apartment, we usually say "apartment" instead of "house", although "home" is fine.

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