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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 06. 09 조회 13132

tell you a little about myself

작성자: 1597145 담당 튜터: Philip
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Hello, my name is jiyoung lee and my English name is Lisa.
I was born on July 4소, 1982, so I am in my early 30s.
I work as a Security Engineer at Samsung SDS company.
My job is to operator the security system and I have to be professional in security and network.
I install the new System for safety, so I must study many things about security.
I was computer major in college so I think my job fits my field of study.
In my free time, I like to take a walk with my husband.
Also, I like to watch movies and go to nice restaurants with my husband.
We like to try delicious foods so I also like to look up new restaurants online.
I am the youngest in my family and I have one elder brother.
I've got married and I have two daughters, 4 and 2 years in korean age.
My husband work at samsung heavy industry.
Sometimes my life may be stressful but I stay positive and always look on the bright side.
at that time talking with husband is very helpful for me.
튜터 교정 답변

Hello, my name is Jiyoung Lee and my English name is Lisa.

-> Good sentence

I was born on July 4th, 1982, so I am in my early 30s.

-> Good sentence

I work as a Security Engineer at Samsung SDS company.

-> Good sentence

My job is to operator the security system and I have to be professional in security and network.

-> My job is to operate the security system and I have to be professional in both security and network.

I install the new System for safety, so I must study many things about security.

-> I install the new System for safety, so I must study many things about security.

I was computer major in college so I think my job fits my field of study.

-> I was a Computer Major in college so I think my job fits my field of study.

In my free time, I like to take a walk with my husband.

-> Good sentence

Also, I like to watch movies and go to nice restaurants with my husband.

->Good sentece

We like to try delicious foods so I also like to look up new restaurants online.

-> Good sentence

I am the youngest in my family and I have one elder brother.

-> Good sentence

I've got married and I have two daughters, 4 and 2 years in korean age.

-> I am married and I have two daughters; 4 and 2 years in Korean age.

My husband work at samsung heavy industry.

-> My husband works at Samsung Heavy Industry.

Sometimes my life may be stressful but I stay positive and always look on the bright side.

-> Good sentence

at that time talking with husband is very helpful for me.

-> At that time talking with husband is very helpful for me.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello Lisa,

That is a wonderful introduction and you were able to give a good general view of yourself. I can feel honety and simplicity with the way you used your words. You were able to come up with many good sentences for your answers. Many of your sentences were simple but at the end you made more complex sentences.

True life can be hard and stressfull but you are in good hands and you have a family that gives you reasons not to give up and to fight all the stess. I am glad to have read your words here.

Stay strong and positive!

Teacher Philip

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!