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공개 첨삭 완료 2019. 08. 21 조회 11380

organizing the family trip

작성자: haejinahn93 담당 튜터: Daren1
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I organized my family’s short trip, which was my older sister used to do, but she is busy working every day, so I ended up taking charge of planning this trip. I wanted to do something active, so I added some attractions to my plan. One of them was a paragliding. My family had never done it before except for my dad. (He did it in the army when he was in his 20’s.)
I can’t wait, and it will be a thrilling trip! There is no exception. Everyone should follow my plan.
튜터 교정 답변

I organized my family’s short trip, which was my older sister used to do, but she is busy working every day, so I ended up taking charge of planning this trip. I wanted to do something active, so I added some attractions to my plan. One of them was a paragliding. My family had never done it before except for my dad. (He did it in the army when he was in his 20’s.){There's no need to put in the brackets.}
I can’t wait, and it will be a thrilling trip! There is no exception. Everyone should follow my plan.        

Note: Your last 2 sentences sounds rather "hard & strict". You can actually say" I've encouraged everyone to follow my plan."

Good try!

 

 

 

 

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