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공개 첨삭 완료 2020. 07. 09 조회 10301

subject explanation2

작성자: civicedu_myraphael 담당 튜터: Vanessa2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
● Training program for teachers or specialized instructor training course of Youth election education.
● Subjects and materials that your organization considers important in relation to youth election education(democracy education).
(Subjects may be further subdivided. Youth perspective formation, information judgment, media literacy, discussion, debate skills may also be selected. Although the main interesting issue is electoral education in high school, the issues could be widened to democracy education in schools and outside. We welcome your suggestions always.)

thank you for your help!
튜터 교정 답변

Hello there!


I just read your two messages and they seem to be quite in order. Is it for curriculum development?


The subject titles are coherent. Well done.

You might want to add more details here:
Subjects may be further subdivided BY........

a slight improvement here on consistency:

Although the main interesting issue is electoral education in high school, the issues could be widened to democracy education in schools and outside.

Although the main interesting issue is electoral education in high school, the issues COULD WIDEN to democracy education in schools and outside.

a slight improvement here on word choice ( in relation to is a bit wordy) :

Subjects and materials that your organization considers important in relation to youth election education(democracy education.

Subjects and materials that your organization considers important CONCERNING youth election education(democracy education.

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!