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공개 첨삭 완료 2020. 07. 10 조회 10772

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작성자: civicedu_myraphael 담당 튜터: Vanessa2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
This year, Republic Korea lowered the minimum voting age from 19 to 18, high school students who turn 18 before the election will now be able to participate in the election. So, currently NEC has a high interest to build up the education program and developing educational material for the new voters. There is a reason why we would like to publish the Report which introduces many other countries Citizen education(such as, curriculums, programs, teachers, teaching materials, case studies, and experiences) as a reference for our Youth Citizen education.
튜터 교정 답변

Issue:
So, currently...- both are introductory
Just use Currently, NEC has...

Verb forms,word choice, plural sense

Currently, NEC has a high interest to build up the education program and developing educational material for the new voters.

high interest - YOU MEAN IN NUMBERS? OR INTERESTED?

improvement:
Currently, NEC is showing interest in building education programs and developing educational materials for the new voters.


Remove parentheses and the comma after such as
(such as, curriculums, programs, ....)
such as curriculums, programs, teachers, teaching materials, case studies, and experiences) as a reference for our Youth Citizen education.

Use THAT instead of WHICH
There is a reason why we would like to publish the Report THAT introduces many other countries Citizen education such as curriculums, programs, teachers, teaching materials, case studies, and experiences as a reference for our Youth Citizen education.

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!