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공개 첨삭 완료 2020. 09. 18 조회 12097

hemeostasis

작성자: ckd103859 담당 튜터: Vanessa2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Homeostasis

Recognized face and measured temperature tell you that you are normal status.
Every morning, at the entry, all employees are checked for the fever. It has been a daily routine after the covid spread. The hypothalamus at the pituitary gland is in charge of hormonal secretion and homeostasis.
The physical temperatures is controlled in the brain by fighting against outer pollutants or germs. However, it is said that elevated temperature is not only caused by infection but also menstrual cycle or stress. Subtle changes in our body can tell what is going on in your body. It is hard to maintain homeostasis and remain stable over the whole body.
Mental stability also contribute to the homeostasis. The one who looks younger than one's age usually let off stress to get mental health. Thesedays, corona blue is prevalent among people who are restricted to stay indoor . Homeostasis both for body functions need to be accompanied proper mental health.
튜터 교정 답변

Homeostasis

Recognized face and measured temperature tell you that you are normal status.

-temperature check with face mask recognition can tell your health status.


Every morning, at the entry, all employees are checked for the fever. It has been a daily routine after the covid spread. The hypothalamus at the pituitary gland is in charge of hormonal secretion and homeostasis.
The physical temperatures is controlled in the brain by fighting against outer pollutants or germs. However, it is said that elevated temperature is not only caused by infection but also menstrual cycle or stress. Subtle changes in our body can tell what is going on in your body. It is hard to maintain homeostasis and remain stable over the whole body.

-The brain controls the body temperature by..

-subtle changes in our body can tell us about the condition of our health.

-maintain homeostasis and remain stability


Mental stability also contribute to the homeostasis. The one who looks younger than one's age usually let off stress to get mental health. Thesedays, corona blue is prevalent among people who are restricted to stay indoor . Homeostasis both for body functions need to be accompanied proper mental health.

-Mental stability also contribute to homeostasis.

-The one who looks younger than one's age usually let off stress to achieve mental health.

Homeostasis both for body functions need to be accompanied proper mental health. ( please revise..I don't undestand)

 

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