목록으로 돌아가기
공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 06. 19 조회 13400

concert

작성자: 1597145 담당 튜터: Philip
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I like going to exciting concerts with electronic music DJs
I like going to clubs.
Therefore, I like to see the DJ concerts because they remind me of the club.
I usually enjoy these conserts with my friends.
I have some college friends who I usually go to these concerts with.
They also like electronic music.
I like to watch the concert in the very front.
It is very expensive, so I can't go often but it is much valuable than money.
Most of the time, these concerts have an open dance floor near the front.
I like standing on the open floor in the front because that is where all the action is.
We can dance and jump up to the music.
It is very exciting there with my friends and it feels like I become one with a group
I usually have to buy thos tickets when they first start to go on sale.
I have to buy them early because the open floor tickets sell out quickly.
튜터 교정 답변

I like going to exciting concerts with electronic music DJs.

-> Good sentence

I like going to clubs.

-> Good sentence

Therefore, I like to see the DJ concerts because they remind me of the club.

-> Good sentence

I usually enjoy these conserts with my friends.

-> I usually enjoy these concerts with my friends.

I have some college friends who I usually go to these concerts with.

-> Good sentence

They also like electronic music.

-> Good sentence

I like to watch the concert in the very front.

-> I like to watch the concert at the very front.

It is very expensive, so I can't go often but it is much valuable than money.

-> It is very expensive, so I can't go often but it is much more valuable than money.

Most of the time, these concerts have an open dance floor near the front.

-> Good sentence

I like standing on the open floor in the front because that is where all the action is.

-> Good sentence

We can dance and jump up to the music.

-> Good sentence

It is very exciting there with my friends and it feels like I become one with a group

-> Good sentence

I usually have to buy thos tickets when they first start to go on sale.

-> I usually have to buy those tickets when they first start to go on sale.

I have to buy them early because the open floor tickets sell out quickly.

-> Good sentence

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

Hello Lisa,

It seems you are a party girl and you know how to have fun during a concert. In this response you wrote about concerts you were able to explain well and with interesting sentences on how you enjoy concerts. I also like concert but I prefer the classic and boring ones more.

Keep up the good work!

Teacher Philip

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!