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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 07. 02 조회 13405

My dream

작성자: 1100909135 담당 튜터: Angel
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
My major and job are related to 'space'. I gratuated from urban engineering department. And I specialize in Building Automatic System. Recently, the key word is 'Smart' such as Smart Phone, Smart TV, Smart Car, Smart Home.. the more widely 'Smart' is, the bigger Smart space is. So the 'Smart City' will come. I hope that I will be an expert of Smart City in the near future. To catch my goal, I do my best.
튜터 교정 답변

"My major and job are related to 'space'. I gratuated from urban engineering department. And I specialize in Building Automatic System. Recently, the key word is 'Smart' such as Smart Phone, Smart TV, Smart Car, Smart Home.. the more widely 'Smart' is, the bigger Smart space is. So the 'Smart City' will come. I hope that I will be an expert of Smart City in the near future. To catch my goal, I do my best."

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************My major and job are related to 'space'. I gratuated from urban engineering department. And I specialize in Building Automatic System. Recently, the key word is 'Smart' such as Smart Phone, Smart TV, Smart Car, Smart Home.. the more widely 'Smart' is, the bigger Smart space is. So the 'Smart City' will come. I hope that I will be an expert of Smart City in the near future. To catch my goal, I do my best.

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My major and job are related to "space". I gratuated from Urban Engineering Department and specialized in Building Automation System. Nowadays, people use the word "smart" to coin with new inventions such as Smartphone, Smart TV, Smart Car etc. I am dreaming of building a Smart City in the future. To reach my goal, I will do my best.

Note:
Blue - sentence structure
Yellow  - word usage
Pink - concise sentences
Green - better expression

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Hi Mr. Won,

I was so glad to receive your compositions. I really acclaimed you for being so hardworking. May this kind of perseverance continue. Please be guided with the corrections that I have made for you. Work on with your sentences structure and word usage. Study well. Take care!

Love,
Teacher Angel

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