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공개 첨삭 완료 2023. 05. 08 조회 5625

Keep a diary on the long holidays

작성자: Tonybin 담당 튜터: Neiz
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
People in Korea usually call May the family month because there are two holidays for family such as parent’s day, and children’s day, so we have always family gathering together. This year children’s day was Friday and we had a long holidays.
We were supposed to make a chocolate pizza in chocolate cafe on Friday. But it has rained heavily like a downpour early in the morning. We was considering whether to go there. After considering, we made up our mind to visit there. It was so much fun than we expected. My apple of my eyes said “it was really unique and memorable experience day”
튜터 교정 답변

People in Korea usually call May the family month because there are two holidays for family such as parent’s day, and children’s day, so we always have a family gathering together. This year, children’s day was Friday and we had a long holiday. We were supposed to make a chocolate pizza in a chocolate cafe on Friday. But, it has rained heavily like a downpour early in the morning. We were considering whether to go there or not. After considering/ thinking, we made up our mind to visit there. It was so much fun than we expected. My The apple of my eyes said “it was really unique and a memorable experience day.”

 

REVISED:

People in Korea usually call May the family month because there are two holidays for family such as parent’s day, and children’s day, so we always have a family gathering. This year, children’s day was Friday and we had a long holiday. We were supposed to make a chocolate pizza in a chocolate cafe on Friday. But, it has rained heavily like a downpour early in the morning. We were considering whether to go there or not. After thinking, we made up our mind to visit there. It was so much fun than we expected. The apple of my eyes said “it was really unique and a memorable experience.”

 

Hi Tony,

Thanks for sharing what happened during your long weekend. You were able to make a long paragraph and was able to explain things appropriately. Just to emphasize this part, "After considering, we made up our mind to visit there.", even though this is also correct, I tried to change it into "After thinking,we made up our mind to visit there.", so that it won't sound repetitive since you've already mentioned that word before the sentence. All in all, these are all appreciated. Keep going!

 

Teacher Neiz

 

 

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