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공개 첨삭 완료 2023. 09. 04 조회 4563

a diary on Monday

작성자: Tonybin 담당 튜터: Neiz
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
I made up my mind to keep a diary on my blog in Korean, which what I thought long time ago because I have been eager to write down
My thought at that time. It's doesn't matter whether it's long or short.
One day when I get older, I want to read what I record and tell my adorable daughter my story that was written in blog.
Let's begin.
튜터 교정 답변

I made up my mind to keep a diary on my blog in Korean, which is what I thought I've been thinking about a long time ago because I have been eager to write it down. My thought I was thinking at that time, it doesn't matter whether it's long or short. One day, when I get older, I want to read what I record and tell my adorable daughter my story that was written in the blog. Let's begin.

 

REVISED:

I made up my mind to keep a diary on my blog in Korean, which I've been thinking about a long time ago because I have been eager to write it down. I was thinking at that time, it doesn't matter whether it's long or short. One day, when I get older, I want to read what I record and tell my adorable daughter my story written in the blog. Let's begin.

 

Hi Tony,

Thank you for this compisition you've made, I appreciate it. As you can see, I changed some words here and added what I think would be more appropriate to what you want to convey in your sentence so that it would be more comprehensive. Nonetheless, I appreciate you for having a motivation to write on your blog. But I encourage you that when you write there, I know it would be in Korean, still it would be great that you practice to write as well in English on your blog because I believe you can do it. It doesn't have to be too long, but you can try starting with one to few sentences writing in English. Thank you!

 

 

Teacher Neiz

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