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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 07. 10 조회 14394

My favorite idol

작성자: pos600333 담당 튜터: Patrick2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
Dear Patrick!
Today, I wanna introduce about Korean Star Idols.

There are so many idol stars in Korea, but I like "Girls' Generation" at the most. It has 9 members and, hit 5 album and 9 songs. It is a representative female pop star group, in Korea.

The most famous member is "Yun-A". She perform in many dramas and movies, too. Including her, 4 members are working as actress. Girls' Generation tried to expand its' area into other countries such as Japan, China, and Southeast Asia. At the result, it has high popularity in many countries.

Recently, it has revealed new album. I recommend you to listen in the U-tube.
I hope that my story is beneficial for you.
Thanks, Bye.
튜터 교정 답변

Dear Patrick! Today, I wanna introduce some Korean Star Idols to you. There are so many idol stars in Korea, but I like "Girls' Generation" the best. This group has 9 members, 5 hit albums, and 9 singles. They are the representative female pop star group from Korea. The most famous member is "Yun-A". She performs in many dramas and movies, too. Including her, 4 members are working as actresses. Girls' Generation tried to expand its' popularity into other countries such as Japan, China, and Southeast Asia. As a result, they are very popular in many countries. Recently, they have revealed a new album. I recommend you listen to them on youtube. I hope that my story is beneficial to you. Thanks, Bye.

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