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공개 첨삭 완료 2014. 07. 17 조회 13679

The Way to Protect Werther-Effect

작성자: pos600333 담당 튜터: Patrick2
수강생 원문과 튜터 교정 (Before & After)
학생 제출 원문
People, especially young children, tend to follow the act of celebrities. Pop stars' fashion styles become the trends between teenagers. Therefore, famous people should strive to give positive influence on their followers as a mentor. They should not do negative acts that are banned from the society including drugs, suicide, prohibited gambling etc.

These movement can be made through cooperation with the media and related biz-men. The entertainment companies should make beneficial contents considering the effect on the public.
The media and publishers should express these contents for the without distortion. In addition, parents and teachers should lead their children for the right way.
튜터 교정 답변

People, especially young children, tend to follow the acts of celebrities. Pop stars' fashion styles become the trends between teenagers. Therefore, famous people should strive to give positive influences to their followers as mentors. They should not do negative acts that are banned from society including drugs, suicide, prohibited gambling, etc. These movements can be made through cooperation with the media and related biz-men. The entertainment companies should make beneficial contents considering the effect on the public. The media and publishers should express these topics discreetly. In addition, parents and teachers should lead their children the right way.

교정 내용이 클립보드에 복사되었습니다!